Fic: All In, Draco/Harry, PG-13
Jun. 11th, 2015 03:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snowgallFigured I might as well post this link to my LJ for posterity. My first (and most likely last!) fic :)
Title:
All In (or on LJ)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
snowgall
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 427
Summary: Draco introduces Harry to strip poker
Warnings: Unbetaed*; misuse of British-isms by an American; scanty knowledge of poker
Notes: Written for Draco's Kinks and Tropes Party July 10, 2015 for the prompt "Draco introduces Harry to strip poker" byindyonblue
Title:
Author:
snowgallPairing: Draco/Harry
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 427
Summary: Draco introduces Harry to strip poker
Warnings: Unbetaed*; misuse of British-isms by an American; scanty knowledge of poker
Notes: Written for Draco's Kinks and Tropes Party July 10, 2015 for the prompt "Draco introduces Harry to strip poker" by
indyonblue| *Concrit is welcome for this. Seriously, this is a first fic and I have no delusions that it is a masterpiece or anything. I would really love to know how to get the dialogue to flow better (the way Draco talks about betting their clothes still doesn't really work for me, honestly), how to make the setting more clear, how to get their thoughts across non-clumsily, all of it, basically. You can send me a PM if you like, or comment below, and my feelings won't be hurt at all. I've already gotten more nice and sweet comments on this than I expected, so I don't need to be coddled. Oh, and if I got any British-isms wrong I definitely want to know! Like, does it make sense for Draco to say "What I am interested in, is seeing what Harry Potter looks like under his kit" ? Is that the right way to use "kit" or did I flub it? Using language right is really important to me, so please do tell me if something is off. |
no subject
Date: 2015-06-11 09:27 pm (UTC)It's the most wonderful and a very strange thing. And one of the ways the characters can run away from the plotline you had in mind at the beginning.
I'm not good at beta-ing at all (just usefull as an alpha-reader for feedback about the flow, incongruencies and stuff like that). Nothing threw my out of my reading flow here.
As for the dialogues. Some writers/authors/smart people who know more about this being an author thing said it's helpful to read dialogues out loud (reading whole stories can be helpful too). That way you'd hear, where your characters sound too stiff or stilted. As an ELS I still count on my beta for that (because sometimes I just don't know), but I'm sure you'll manage on your own.
And just thinking about it. A glass table would be a great way for Harry to see Draco's tight trousers. :D
no subject
Date: 2015-06-11 10:15 pm (UTC)I believe you're right about reading dialogue out loud. I didn't do that here, and I should try it. I know that sometimes I read other people's dialogue and I wonder if it would sound at all natural read out loud.
Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm trying to think how I can make the table glass without it being a clumsy insertion. I'm still thinking about this problem!