As for the trouser adjusting. I do like the movement, and you are right, running down his hands his torso would be way too campy, and please, no more lip-licking as gesture of enticement, it has been already old in 1986. ;) But I was wondering: Does Harry need to sit opposite of Draco? Couldn't Draco sit to his right, so that, at a small poker table, he could actually see the movement?
As for the last line. Yes, you totally need a speech tag, the way it's written now. What do think about doing it like this:
"Potter." He laughs. "I'm all in."
Is the punctuation with full stops too sharp? Not enought flow?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2015-06-11 08:02 pm (UTC)But I was wondering: Does Harry need to sit opposite of Draco? Couldn't Draco sit to his right, so that, at a small poker table, he could actually see the movement?
As for the last line. Yes, you totally need a speech tag, the way it's written now. What do think about doing it like this:
"Potter." He laughs. "I'm all in."
Is the punctuation with full stops too sharp? Not enought flow?